All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
