The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
