gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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