All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
