Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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