i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
