Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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