just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
