i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
