i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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