I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
