How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
