whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
