We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
