After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
