She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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