Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
