But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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