I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
