when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
