ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
