I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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