check it out our google latitudes are spooning
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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