At least make sure they are 18
Why
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
