You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
