So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
