she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He better not be in your backpack
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
