i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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