Where is the hickey?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
