this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
