I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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