Just fell off a train. Bad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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