dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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