You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
