I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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