Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
