Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
