pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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