Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
