Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
