Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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