Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize