He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
