My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
