I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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