508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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