We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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