I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
