i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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