My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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