so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
