I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
