I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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