Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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