see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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