how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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