I just saw a hot homeless man
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
