Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
