The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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