New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
