At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
