he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
