imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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