I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize