he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
