i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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