ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
