I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
