so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
