I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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