i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
