I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
