mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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