Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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