Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
