Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
