Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
