sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
