I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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